Shoelace Investigated as Hate Crime at Michigan State University

Tweet about this on TwitterShare on FacebookShare on Google+Share on RedditPin on PinterestPrint this page

A lost shoelace became the subject of a full-scale “hate-crime” investigation at Michigan State University. Members of the University Police and the Brownshirts from the Office of “Institutional Equity” were immediately dispatched after a Black student found a shoelace in her residence hall. As the precious little snowflake has no-doubt been programmed to see racists and white supremacists lurking behind every corner, upon seeing a lone shoelace lying there menacingly, she immediately drew the only logical conclusion that a good young college student could…. it must be a noose!

The precious snowflake quickly pulled out her smart phone (though one wonders where she was able to find a non-racist electronics store that would sell her a smart phone) and called campus police. Yes, of course the police! Who do YOU call when you find a discarded shoelace…. nobody? University police officers were then temporarily called away from surveillance of the school’s two conservative students in order track down the KKK members who left the shoelace, er… I mean noose, in their devilish plot to single-out and terrorize individual coeds with footwear accessories.

Much to the disappointment of the entire campus community, who live to revel in manufactured “bias incidents,” it was determined that the shoelace was nothing more than a shoelace. Drats! Oh well, better luck next time. Perhaps someone will soon find a banana peel teetering on the rim of a garbage can in the dining hall. Let’s see them try to deny that being a racist hate crime!

Ok, I admit that I may have embellished this story a little, but the central facts are true. In fact, the University President even took it seriously enough to issue a statement to the entire campus about it. Here is the statement issued by President Lou Anna K. Simon:

I was distressed this morning to learn of a racial incident in one of our residence halls. A student reported a noose was hung outside of her room. I want to recognize the courage it took for the student to report this incident.

MSU Police and our Office of Institutional Equity were immediately notified, and both promptly began investigations. I want to be clear: This type of behavior is not tolerated on our campus. No Spartan should ever feel targeted based on their race, or other ways in which they identify. A noose is a symbol of intimidation and threat that has a horrendous history in America.

While at this time we do not know all of the details, the Spartan community can be assured we are vigorously investigating this situation.

— Lou Anna K. Simon, MSU President


Unbelievably, this kind of thing happens all the time on university campuses across the country. Most people are unaware of incidents like this because, of course, they have better things to do than monitor the insanity on college campuses. Wait… what does that say about me? Alright, I’m going now. I need to go rethink my life!

Source: New York Daily News

Tweet about this on TwitterShare on FacebookShare on Google+Share on RedditPin on PinterestPrint this page